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Thursday, November 8, 2012

Mummy, I'm tired

If you’ve read my post from earlier today, you’d know that today hasn’t been really great. In fact, this whole week has been quite lousy, what with it being the anticlimactic first week of school after the lovely lazy week-long holiday where I pretended that I was a Snorlax and slept most of the time, getting up only once in a while to eat.
Today’s frustrating events made me snap, and I had an emotional breakdown. I felt so much frustration, annoyance, stress and self-pity that all I wanted to do was cry. And all I could think was “I want my mummy!” It’s quite a primitive response, certainly, but I think every once in a while, when we’re overwhelmed, we need someone to calm us down, and little is more calming than mother’s gentle voice.
So I called my mummy, and my voice cracking, I said “Mummy, I’m tired”. And she said, “Oh, what’s the matter?” Just hearing the gentle concern in her voice made me start to tear up and cry, and I proceeded to explain my distress, though I’m sure it was completely incomprehensible.
Mummy surely didn’t really understand what I was upset about – nobody could possibly understand my tear-choked blabbering – but the only thing that mattered was that I was upset. She didn’t interrupt me, she just listened, not asking for details, not asking for clarification. But when finally I’d finished my incoherent rant, she recited this poem which she’s always recited to her children:
When the road you're trudging is all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
When you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't quit.

Hearing that was all I needed. I felt like nothing else needed to be said. In any case, I couldn’t say much because I was holding back sobs. All I could say was “Mummy, please repeat that poem again for me.” Which she did of course, and that made me feel so much better.

P/S: Of course, when I collected myself a few minutes later, I called Mummy again, to let her know that I'm alright, and that she needn't worry too much. That I'm just having a bad week. And she said "Have you been getting enough sleep? Take a nice warm shower, sleep. And makan. You'll feel much better after a nice shower and some sleep. I love you, son." Perfect advice.  

A miserable day

Today, all the planets in some distant galaxy must have aligned ever so precisely to make sure that I would experience the suckiest day that I have in a long time. Today was one of those days where nothing is right and everything that could go wrong does.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Physical Intimacy

I like physical intimacy. I like hugs, handshakes high-fives and kisses. I like being pet, caressed and massaged. I like it when elbows, shoulders or knees touch when sitting and talking with someone. 
It just feels so good, to physically be in touch with other people. I’ve noticed that I like to touch not just people, but things that I like as well. When I like something or someone, I get a really strong urge to reach out and touch it or them. And when someone makes me really happy, I just want to hug them and smother them with kisses. In fact, at times, when I feel especially happy with myself for being such a good boy, I wish I could kiss myself, but I can’t – which is why someone else really should. 
Research has shown that physical intimacy has its health benefits. A hug or touch can result in the release of oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin as well as reduce stress hormones. It’s obviously good for us, so I think that people should hold hands with each other more. Or at least, with me. 
A lack of physical intimacy can lead to increased feelings of loneliness. And that sucks. So get intimate ;)

Friday, October 19, 2012

Why love is an Addiction

Love is not an emotion. It is an addiction. It is an addiction that plays with your emotions. Throwing you from the highest of highs to the depths of sorrow, sometimes in an instant. It makes people behave in strange ways, and do things they’d never otherwise do. People risk everything for love, they give their life for love, they kill for love.

Love is the most addictive substance in the world.

Being in love shows all the classic symptoms of an addiction: dependence, tolerance, withdrawal, and relapse. When you’re in love with someone, they become special to you. The object of your desire becomes the focus of your attention, the motivator of your intentions – the center of your universe. They’re constantly in your minds, they’re the first person you think of in the morning, the one you dream of at night.

Friday, August 17, 2012

My latest hypothesis about friendship

This year, I turn 21. During the two decades of my existence, I believe I've learned a few things about the world, about how things work and what makes them work that way. Practical things like shouting at people doesn't get them to agree, putting your cigarette butt in a dustbin might just end up burning down the housedon't run with scissors, and always check the URL before clicking on a link if you don't want to get Rick Roll'd

Some of these things I learned at school, some of them I learned through experience. Even then, inexplicably, all the schooling and experience I've had haven't brought me to a conclusion about friendship. You'd think that they'd teach you something as fundamental as this in kindergarten, but it turns out that it's too complex for preschoolers to grasp. In the last few years, I've had some great friendships, some that have lasted, some that just discretely faded away, and some that turned terribly sour, only to leave a bitter-sweet after-taste. 

Rather than just roll my tongue around in my mouth savouring the after-taste of friendships gone bad, I've spent time thinking about what makes people friends, and why they come and go, and now I'm going to share my latest hypothesis about friendship with you:

Monday, March 19, 2012

Newfound motivation

I now know who the most important person in my life is, and I will do everything to please this person. I will give him everything he wants, and deprive him of nothing.

I’ve found my motivation:

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

A reminder to stay healthy.

Hello world,
Today, I’m going to see the doctor. The reason: I’m hungry. All the time.
Now, you might be thinking “Oh Hakim, you so funny. You don’t need a doctor –  just a vending machine”. And that’s precisely what I would have thought myself, when I was younger and less wise. But last year on the 17th of December, something amazing happened: My birthday, and I turned 20. Suddenly, I’m not a teenager anymore, and by that right, all the teenage dumbfuckery must have magically left me. I’m older now, and suddenly wiser, so I know that when you don’t feel right, you should best see a doctor. Sounder advice has perhaps never been spoken by me at 7 o’clock in the morning.
I think it all started two Fridays ago, when I woke up feeling slightly under the weather. It was just a slight cold, so I stayed home and made myself some delicious porridge with chicken nuggets and prawns in it. But I made a lot more than I could eat, and so there was some left over. My fridge still isn’t working, so I just left it out. The next day, I reheated it for lunch. It didn’t seem to have gone bad to me, but then again, I’ve been known to eat rotten things only to stop when someone exclaims in sheer terror Hakim. Bangas sudah bah itu!”, so I could have been mistaken.
Next thing I know, I was vomiting all over the place for a couple of hours. Of course, I felt weak and dehydrated and like I just got punched in the stomach. Normally I’d expect all of the pain and suffering to end once I’d purged all the spoilt bubur. Fast forward to a week later and I’m still feeling lethargic, queasy. Also, it was like my stomach had turned into a magical unfillable void, and now I'm hungry all the time, no matter how much I eat. It is both magical and extremely sucky at the same time. I also have cravings for chocolates and sweets, but that’s just a normal occurrence for me.
 I also feel dizzy a lot, and generally out of it. So a few days ago I Googled my symptoms and to my chagrin, most of the results pointed to diabetes. Never before in my life have I worried about my health. But now I’m finally coming to realize that I’m not invincible, and if I don’t take active measures to take care of myself, I can’t count on staying healthy.
I’m quite sure it’s not serious, and it’s probably some kind of stomach flu or something from eating the bubur basi. Still, I’m thankful that this has scared me enough to finally start caring about my health.
Now, I’m really hungry so I must go to Carrefour to get some delicious and wholesome food.

Update (07/03/2012): The blood and urine test results came out normal. Doctor says it's not diabetes, probably just a severe case of food poisoning. In any case, this fright has made me more sensible, and now I'll take better care of myself. 

Sunday, February 19, 2012

My obsession with organizer thingies

Did  I mention that my favourite colour is purple?

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Too cool for school


If there’s one adjective that comes to mind when thinking of the first two months of this year, it’s this. It’s so cold, it snowed in Nice. It’s so cold, the locals are freezing. It’s so cold I have nose bleeds every day. It is so cold that I just couldn’t get myself out of bed today to trudge all the way to class. I shall permit this exceptional truancy this time; after all, I’m only missing programming class, and I’ll quickly catch up on what I missed. I’ve always been good at rationalizing my actions.

This semester is so much lighter than semester 3, with the only pressing matters being finding an internship placement as well as thinking about where to continue my studies after completing my DUT in electrical engineering at IUT Nice.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year?

Hello friends,

Happy New Year!

Well, at least, I hope so. 2011 wasn’t a fantastic year for me; in fact, I think it was quite a sucky year, with lots of unfortunate and unnecessarily stressful events. Of course, it wasn’t completely horrible – there were some ups and downs.